A Practical Guide To Overcome Challenges and Change Your Life
How do you overcome challenges in life? Today I want to share my story of how I was able to overcome challenges in my life. Some might say my life sounds like a horror story because I was sexually abused as a child, then later on as an adult, I was almost beaten to death by the man I was living with! I will share how I was able to change the way I see myself and use my beliefs to build a new life where I find fulfilment in my life every day.
Step by Step Ebook “Overcome Challenges and Change Your Life”
A step by step guide for women struggling with pain from their past.
But first, thank you for coming to my blog. If you’ve come here because you too are trying to overcome a painful time in your life right now then relax and trust that you too will overcome it and have the life that you want. It will take time and persistence but it is possible.
Overcome Challenges Don’t Live a Double Life
When I was 28 years old, on the surface society seemed to think I had everything going well for me. I had a great career, was able to afford a somewhat plush life, travelled a lot, shopped a lot, and was known as an achiever by my colleagues. What most people did not know was I lived a very dark double life and only a few people knew this side to me.
While completing my Master’s degree, I carried on a very professional career. Unfortunately, I was depressed and was living with an emotionally and physically abusive man. All consequences of poor choices which I made so I self-medicated on excessive binging on alcohol, stimulants and hallucinogenics to make it through the days.
I was a party child at night and many of my relationships were strained because of this. The biggest strain was on my mother who watched as I slowly wasted my twenties as a wild child. That fiasco ultimately ended with me being violently beaten and too ashamed to tell. Pain can make you act in strange ways.
Overcome Challenges Because Hiding Your Pain Hurts
I wasn’t always this way and today I definitely have overcome that pain. I want you to know the life choices I made were all driven from a place that was sad, in pain, and broken on the inside. You see, as a child, I was sexually abused by a very religious woman who was entrusted to take care of me. Both my parents were working-middle-class and they were divorced. So you could say I grew up in the loving and abusive arms of a very God fearing woman.
This relationship truly ruined my outlook on what healthy relationships and love really meant. I grew distrustful, angry, resentful and I lashed out in many ways. The beliefs I had about myself were so tainted that I did not believe that I could live life like people who had not faced abuse. I did not relate to them. I felt like I was different. Life for me was very dark and some shades of grey in between. I learned how to wear a mask well but those who really knew me knew I was struggling with pain from my past.
Overcome Challenges Because Past Pains Affect Your Present
Pain from our past experiences does affect our present life. If we do not confront them or accept them for what they are we will continue to live in pain. It is the past and while it is a very important past, it is nonetheless still our past. We must find a way to let it go and live in the present. It’s alright if your situation is not as bad as what I have lived through, and respectfully, if yours is much worse, then know that I still empathise. No amount of pain is better or worse than another. What I’ve learnt about pain, is that the only way to overcome past setbacks and challenges is to grow from it. You really must, as Sheryl Sandberg says, lean in to your pain to make progress with it.
12 Steps To Overcome Challenges and Change Your Life
1. Listen to your pain
Listen to what it tells you. What does it say? Does it tell you that you are to blame? Does it tell you that you deserved it? Does it tell you to feel sorry or ashamed or angry? Whatever it tells you, just listen and acknowledge it. This is coming from a very deep place in our subconscious and we must listen.
2. Ask yourself what do you believe about your ability to overcome challenges
Then, ask yourself do you truly believe what your pain is telling you. Sometimes, you will answer “yes” even if it is to a question like “Do you deserve it”. What you answer is not so important as the fact that you listened. Each time you listen to your pain you will begin to see that your pain is not actually real in the moment pain. It is a memory of something that has happened that repeats itself in your subconscious. So for now, take a note of all the things that you believe your pain is telling you and write them down.
When I did this, I realised I believed things like “ I am unworthy” and “I am a disgrace” and even “I am disgusting.”. The things you believe from your pain can be quite dark so this step is very important. You want to acknowledge what do you actually believe about your pain.
3. Understand that we have been conditioned to believe horrible lies about ourselves
Before we move on, bear with me here and acknowledge that no being was brought into this world to be “disgusting” or a “disgrace”. Mankind and society have conditioned us to believe these horrible things and they are not in any way a validation of who you really are. Break that nonsense right now because feeling bad about yourself and believing negative things about yourself are conditioning of the mind to keep us from rising to our fullest.
So with that, let that go right now and walk with me to a place where we begin to change the creepy beliefs that are holding you back. Trust me I have done this and yes, it is not for the faint of heart but it is a process that works.
4. Change your beliefs to life-supporting ones
Now, let’s examine the beliefs that you have about yourself and whatever they are, no matter how grotesque or obscene they might be we are in no place to judge ourselves. We are examiners looking at the evidence here. No judgements are allowed.
We will change each belief into beliefs that position in you in the light. I mean, if you answered “yes, you deserve this pain” reframe this to a belief that helps you to grow such as “ I have experienced this setback to learn to develop courage and strength. I am strong because I am still alive despite how much it hurts”.
What we’ve done here is to change the way we perceive our pain. Pain is just as bad as the hallucinogenic I once numbed myself with. It takes you out of the light and puts you in a world that can either be a fleeting moment of bliss where you blame others or a perpetual nightmare where you blame yourself. So, with that said, let’s keep making progress.
Change all of your beliefs to ones that put you in the light and position you towards taking steps to own your life and rise to your fullest.
5. Trust the process and face your beliefs to overcome your challenges
You must trust this process even though this part is uncomfortable and a bit painful. You are reliving your experiences by examining each belief and really listening to what your pain is telling you. The more you do this, the more you must relinquish the habit of judging yourself or judging others. Your pain has nothing to do with anyone else – even if it was caused by someone else.
I lived many years hating the woman who touched me in places she had no right to. I hated myself for not having the courage to report my abusive ex to the police and then learnt he had abused someone else after I escaped. Judgment keeps us back from moving forward. Judgement, like pain, is a thing that we must rise above. So give yourself permission to heal and do not judge yourself or others because that interrupts and blocks healing.
6. Identify what is most important in your life
Next, let’s continue our process of overcoming challenges and rising above our past setbacks and pain. Ask yourself, what is most important to you right now in life? Is it standing on your own two feet by being financially independent? Is it pursuing your passions and doing something you genuinely love? Is it spending more time with people in your life who you want to give more attention to? Whatever it is you must write it down and give it your focus.
The things that are most important to you must always have your focus even if you are miles away from who those people might be or where you want to be. It must be in your thoughts and in your heart every day.
This part is very important because we must apply our beliefs to our life. Our new supporting beliefs that help us to grow must also enhance our life. After all, it is why we have gone through that horrific experience in the first place. We have come out the other side with new perspectives and have chosen to live a life that moves us forward that can in some way benefit others as we take care of ourselves and rise to our highest.
Step by Step Ebook “Overcome Challenges and Change Your Life”
A step by step guide for women struggling with pain from their past.
7. Don’t get caught up in the details
Now, rising to your highest self is open to interpretation so don’t get too caught up in the details. This could be becoming the person you truly admire and living those values in your daily life and owning them. This could be taking care of your family in the way that you have always envisioned. This could be being a role model for others and using your past setbacks to help others overcome theirs. This could be any number of things that means the most to you. So don’t get caught up on that.
8. Make a list of how you want to improve your life and overcome your challenges
When you’ve carefully identified the areas of your life that are most important to you. I want you to write down how you want to improve them. Don’t get too specific here just take a note of what you would like to take responsibility to improve. This process is a lot about you doing the work and taking action. No one else must do or reciprocate for your healing to work.
You know, I read the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Step Recovery Program as I redesigned my life and overcome challenges because there is a section in that is revolutionary. It is called Step 9 Make Amends and it follows that we should make direct amends to people we have hurt unless in such cases where it brings injury to them or to ourselves.
So I ask you to consider deeply the areas of your life that involve people who you want to make amends with. Should there be any aspects of your life that could be hurt by you wanting to make amends or make improvements we must do our bid and then with a grateful heart, let it go. It is not up to them to reciprocate. Our healing continues because we have taken the action. We must learn how to love, let go, and forgive even if it is not reciprocated. This is the foundation of overcoming challenges and pain.
9. Set strategic goals to make it happen
Now, I want you to set some goals to be strategic in how you make improvements to your life and how you move forward. Without specific, measurable, achievable, realistic, and time-bound goals you will not make much progress in your life or business. It simply does not work. Some of us love goals just as much as I do. But if you are not a lover of setting goals, or if goals overwhelm you that is okay.
I’ve written a simple step by step Ebook “Overcome Challenges and Change Your Life” to help you with writing out your goals and completing each step of the process to overcome challenges. Click the link to download it and have fun and remember, do the work but do not judge yourself or others.
I want you to realise the importance of taking this journey seriously because your life and your future depends on it. You must see yourself as a skilled navigator and planner. Much of what overcoming challenges is about, is finding multiple solutions to overcome setbacks that come up in our lives. Our past pain is one step and it will take patience and work and once you learn the skill of doing this you will be able to apply it again and again in your life.
10. Identify your unique strengths and qualities to overcome your challenges
After you set goals, it is truly important to know how to use your God-given uniqueness to your advantage in life. Your personality, your wit, your intelligence, your ability to communicate, your creativity, whatever it is that is unique to you.
Thriving in life is not about being a follow fashion or being told how to act or what to do. It is about carving out a path that is truly aligned to your deep passions and interests and then using what only you have to realise and manifest your desires.
You and I will never be the same because we are genetically very different, have been through different experiences, grown up in different home towns, and have deep secrets that are probably extremely different and have been influenced by things at a different time and millisecond. So you get the point.
We are each unique and special in so many ways. It is not about generalising what you are good at here. I mean looking deep into the things that make you who you are. Your unique perspective on the world for example.
Once you recognise your natural talents and uniqueness you must apply them in each area of your life that you wish to improve. This section is carefully laid out in my Ebook so don’t work about how to do this step. Go ahead click the link and download it and have fun. The steps are laid out in sequential order so there’s no need for you to waste time wondering how to get started. Have fun with this step.
11. Be willing to be a planner who makes things happen and overcomes challenges
Finally, we must be ready and willing to make it happen. For us to be successful in any endeavour, consistency, planning and resistance is key. Get your plan together, use your goals and your uniqueness and apply these to each aspect of your life that you want to improve. I won’t go into too many details here on the importance of planning but I want you to know this.
If you dislike planning, you can come to like it like a pesky cousin or friend. It may not be all too appealing but it certainly is very valuable to your life and you should not live without it.
Having a plan is like having a map on the journey of life. Without a map, we are all just ships just drifting off into sea with only a hope of arriving somewhere out of nowhere. Not a very strategic way of overcoming challenges or progressing in life. Time is short, life can be toxic, and we want to make the most of our time and effort.
Make a plan and try to follow it while being flexible to new challenges that will arise. I’ve broken down the steps of how to create a 90-day plan and how to turn that into a 365-day plan easily for you in the Ebook “Overcome Challenges and Change Your Life”. Please download it and dive right on it.
12. Celebrate the fact that you’ve faced your pain and are ready to overcome your challenges
This is not an easy process because we are looking at our pain with a magnifying glass. It certainly is a lot easier than allowing our pain to ruin the rest of our lives so please give yourself a moment of grace and gratitude for completing this. So many people are lost and unsure about how to overcome challenges and painful setbacks.
Hopefully, you now have confidence and faith in yourself to take the steps that I took in this process to make changes in your mindset, beliefs, and how you live your life. Celebrate your life for what it is because you are still here with us in spite of the crazy whirlwind we have both been through. Celebrate your strength and your capacity to forgive yourself and others for what you have lived through. You are a warrior.
You Have What It Takes To Overcome Challenges
You deserve every bit of light, love and prosperity that we all deserve. You are light my friend. Even if right now you do not see it or feel it. I once thought I was “disgusting” so don’t worry too much about how you feel right now. We all must start from where we are at and take it one step at a step. With every bit of love and light, I have left in me. I wish you good stead on your journey to fulfilment.
Love and light my beautiful friend,
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To all aspiring ladybosses – keep rocking it! You got this!
Love and Light,